his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
