she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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