Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
