I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
