Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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