I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
