just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
