The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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