So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
