Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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