you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
