that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
