Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
