nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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