If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
