9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
