dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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