i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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