The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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