Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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