Whod you bang
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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