I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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