I wish my penis had an off switch
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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