dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drake has all the answers
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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