He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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