I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
