I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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