I wish I could punch you in the face.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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