it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
