Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
