at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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