is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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