Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize