Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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