You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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