I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
