one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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