Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
