Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
