Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
