Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
is that a dick in a sweater?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Never underestimate the power of titties
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