I wish I could punch you in the face.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
