Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize