Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
