i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
