Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
