if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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