My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
