She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
