somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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