What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
