I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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