I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
