I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
