i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
