Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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