mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
