So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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