In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
