Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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