the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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