You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
